So….I am thinking of getting back into the blog thing. I need an outlet for the thoughts that get swirling in my head and….well….why not try to blog again?
Since it has been over a year since I last blogged much has changed. But the constant is my depression. And I am starting to think it is winning. I used to feel much more resilient…I could get by and make do and function pretty decently…But I am starting to lose it. Think of elastic, you can stretch it a million times and it always springs back…but after a while, it gets less and less able to pull itself back to shape. That’s how I feel. I feel less and less able to keep myself together. I don’t know exactly what the impact of this will be. Maybe it is just short-term, something from which I will actually be able to rebound, but I don’t know. I just feel used up and done.
I did take a year off from official counseling, I kept up with my PNP, meeting monthly or even every couple of months, not really for counseling, but for mood check-ins and med management. I even started a new med, Fetzima, which is an SNRI.
My counseling hiatus was not proving to be beneficial so in mid-February, I started up with a new therapist. I decided that I had had ample time and practice with talk therapy, so I am trying a new route, Art Therapy. It was a big deal to start up with a new person as I hate starting new therapeutic relationships….too much baring of my soul to someone I don’t actually know. This was even harder because I basically cold-called a person that is new to the area. That meant, that I even though I asked around a bit, no one had heard of him and thus I was not able to get any insight before meeting him as to if he was competent, respected or even nice.
Of course, I have my own totally unscientific method of pre-approving a health care practitioner. I researched him online, found lots of things that met my approval, like he is active in his professional organization, his resume shows he is new to our area, but not new to counseling, his “mission statement” meshes with my thought processes, and his areas of expertise overlap with my areas of need. But most importantly, and least scientifically, I found a picture of him and he looked like someone I could work with. 🙂 Hey…sometimes, you just have to go with your gut!
So, now I am about three months into Art Therapy. More on that next time!