Yesterday was not as bad as I was thinking it would be.  I was able to pull myself together, get to work, be genuine with my work and even socialize with my co-workers.  That said, I was still pretty much beyond exhausted by the end of the day.  However, for the first time in a couple of weeks, I was able to fall asleep at bedtime and then I slept like a rock.

Mornings like yesterday make me question my stubbornness about medication.  If I did take the Lamictal, would I have had such a hard time?  It is supposed to be a mood stabilizer…Would it help me be more on an even keel?  One of the things that frustrates me about my depression is that my mood fluctuates and I find that tiring.  And it never fluctuates to a point where I feel really great.  But even when I am feeling better (within my depression continuum) then I am just waiting for it to drop because the feeling better never lasts very long.

Something that I have noticed lately and that is starting to concern me a bit is that I feel like when my mood drops, it seems to drop lower than where it was before.  It’s kind of like the opposite of weight rebound after a diet…You know, when you gain back all the weight you lost plus a handful of extra pounds, just for good measure.  Only, with my mood, the mood drops down to the previous low and then dips even lower, just for good measure.

However, I am remaining steadfast in my no-new-med stubbornness.  I’ll have to wait and see how far that takes me.

And lastly for today’s post…The picture at the top of the post is one I took this morning while we were on our walk.  It just seemed so peaceful to me…I wanted to take a picture to try capture that tranquil feeling.  Ironically, yesterday, I tried to take some pictures…but even my pictures came out dark and bleak and were not comforting at all.

I like today’s picture better.