Mission Impossible is on Netflix
I will start on a light note….The Art Therapist gave me a challenging task this morning (more on that to follow) and I was balking. He started to say something and then said to me, “You are too young to have watched Mission Impossible.” The poor man…hasn’t he ever heard of Netflix? :-p
And yes, my family and I are MI fans and watch it a few times a week and have been doing so for months!
Art Therapy Fail
And now down to the nitty gritty. My mission, though I chose not to accept it, was to write a letter from the me-who-has-had-trauma to the innocent-child-me before the trauma occurred. What would she say to the innocent child? And I couldn’t do it. As a matter of fact, when he handed me a pad of lined paper and a pen, I already knew what he was going to ask me to do before he said it, and I was already shaking my head “no.”
I call this an Art Therapy Fail because I have really worked hard to do everything that the AT asks me to do. I figure, he knows what he is doing and he knows how to challenge me and even if I don’t like a request or directive (that’s the AT term for a prompt for drawing/painting/creating) I will do it. I’ve even said it to him…that I don’t like a particular directive but that I will still do it.
But today, I failed. I just couldn’t do it. I did consider doing it and I could feel all the hurt and sadness and then tears coming to my eyes….and I just couldn’t do it. Besides, what would I write to the little girl? That her life was going to suck? That people that were supposed to love and care about her would fail her? That she would be confused and afraid and lonely? That very bad things would happen to her? That she would end up hating herself?* What would the point of that be? So, I didn’t do it.
Then I was worried about what the AT would think about me flatly refusing to do something (My inner People-Pleaser was horrified that I said no). I asked him if I got demerits for refusing….But he said that I always have a choice and that there aren’t demerits. (Except perhaps the demerit I will give myself.) He did ask my why I wouldn’t do it and I told him I was afraid, but I did not elaborate.
He did get something out of me though…He asked me to draw Afraid. And so I did.
*Remember those clay figures from a week or so ago? I finished my project with them. It is pretty much about the rage I feel towards myself and how much I hate myself.