I have been having really disturbing dreams again lately. I think the first one was Saturday night. I don’t remember much of the dream except that I was with someone and I had been somehow impaled with multiple shards of mirror glass. The glass was sticking out of my skin and blood was oozing around the wounds. I remember that the mirror part of the glass was really shiny. I think the person I was with and I were trying to figure out how to get the glass out of my skin. I don’t remember much else about the dream. What is interesting about this dream is that I had a similar dream about having glass embedded in my skin several months ago when I started seeing the Art Therapist… I remember talking to him about it. In that dream, the pieces of glass were like icebergs, bigger under the surface than above, so there was no way to pull the glass out without causing myself bigger cuts and more injury.
Sunday night, I had a very lengthy and detailed dream…I don’t remember all of it, but the whole tenor of it was negative…Bad people, bad things happening. The dream took place in the very early 1900s (I know because of the cars in the dream and the architecture and clothing). I was somehow responsible for the children of a large family. The kids were unruly though and getting into all sorts of trouble, but I couldn’t be paying proper attention to them and be with them because there was a creepy man that I was supposed to be with and entertaining during some sort of party or something. I could see the kids through a window, they were outside and had climbed up about 40’ in a tree and were jumping out of the tree and trying to land on a mattress. I had to watch helplessly and horrified as the kids jumped. The first kid landed on the mattress. The second kid landed half on the mattress and his head snapped back and he broke his neck. The next kid totally missed the mattress and just crumpled in a heap as he hit the ground. The dream switched here…I don’t think I could tolerate watching the rest of the kids kill themselves jumping out of the tree.
The next part of the dream I remember involved the family and guests from the party chasing me down the road in their cars (because of the dead kids). There were thick bushes by the road and I jumped in them to hide, but side of the road ended just under the bushes, so I ended up jumping off the edge of a cliff. Somehow, I caught myself and I was hanging off the edge of a cliff and I remember thinking, “I guess I should have jumped off the other side of the road.” Then there were people in boats in the water at the bottom of the cliff trying to get me too. I was trapped with no place to go. And…..that’s all I remember.
I don’t quite know what to make of the dreams…or my recent rash of disturbing dreams. I guess my brain is in overdrive about something!
I am pretty sure I utterly failed the Pocket Peace assignment. The Art Therapist wanted to know what my “experience” of having the Pocket Peace with me was….And I didn’t have an answer. I think it annoyed him…He kind of got that extra-special-patience tone in his voice. Then I asked him the point of the assignment and it was like pulling teeth to get him to answer it. Finally, he told me it was a mindfulness exercise. Okay, I get that…..Not the first time I have been given a mindfulness exercise by a therapist, but I don’t know why he couldn’t have said it in the first place….Hmmm…I guess feeling annoyed was going around!
I kept Pocket Peace with me when I went to work and at the end of the day it looked like this.
I think that sums up my general experience at work….It kind of crushes my spirit. (Which is why I can’t believe I was actually starting to consider getting out my resume and applying for one of the positions.)
Wait and See
My worry yesterday about my Primary Physician having called the AT was for nothing. She didn’t make the call (yet?). I actually was really surprised by that based on what she said she was going to talk to him about…I am trying very hard to reserve judgement about it….And I did see her Thursday morning and the AT was out on Friday so maybe my PP called and didn’t leave a message? (Though, I thought she would have called on Thursday.)
The AT asked me if I wanted him to reach out to her…And I said to him, “Wouldn’t it be more fun to wait and see how long it takes her?” So, he’s not going to call her. Really, it’s a test for my PP. She said she’d call…I’ve got my stopwatch out to see how long it takes her.