Disjointed

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Disjointed

I feel a bit scrambled today…not sure what is going on in my brain…Lots of little things I’ve been meaning to say that I’ve been thinking about.  I think I will write them all down and get then out of my head. So, here come some random thoughts….

In the end, my PP did not disappoint me about contacting the Art Therapist and my PNP. She called them first thing on the Monday morning following my appointment with her.  The Art Therapist talked to her right away, as she had told him to have them find her when he called her back…From what I understand, they talked about my suicidality and deterrents to suicide.  My PNP played phone tag for a bit with my PP, and they did finally talk, though I haven’t had a chance to find out what they talked about yet.

Today is the end of week one of the lamictal.  I am resigned to taking it…I have another week of the 25mg and then go up to 50mg.  Next week, I also have a follow-up appointmentt with my PNP.

I started reading the ACE study book, Childhood Disrupted last night.  I’m only on chapter one which is the background of the study with some case examples of people who had childhood trauma and the impact on them as adults.  I haven’t really gotten into the meat of the book yet. I believe chapter two starts to address how trauma impacts people on a biological level…That will be more interesting.

I had yoga this week.  It was emotionally challenging again…But I did a brave thing! I took in my mandala book and showed her the Radiant mandala I drew after the previous yoga session.  I told her I don’t exactly feel radiant right now (yet?).

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She also touched me during yoga this week…It was kind of interesting…We were doing a stretch using the wall for resistance and I didn’t have my hand oriented correctly, so the yoga teacher asked if she could touch my hand and then helped me position correctly.  I appreciate that she was respectful of my clear (yet unspoken) boundaries and asked before she touched me.  (I actually have been thinking about this all week….Touching…I think I will probably have a dedicated blog about touch sometime soon.)

And speaking of touch, the yoga teacher had a massage therapist friend staying with her last week.  She asked if I was interested in a massage with him. You know how fast I panicked at the thought of a stranger man giving me a massage….touching me?  Yeah…it was pretty much a nano-second.

I have been clearing out brush and small trees from the woods around our house and yesterday afternoon, I tweaked my back and it has been spasming since then.

I am taking dh to Art Therapy with me Monday morning for a “meet and greet” with the Art Therapist.  I like the key players in my life to have met each other, to have an idea in their mind of the other person when I am talking about them.  Dh won’t stay the whole time, just for a bit.

Yesterday, the Art Therapist went easy on me in therapy….He said it was a grounding day.  I forgot to ask him why he thought I needed grounding.  Maybe he didn’t want me to have another yuck weekend like last weekend.

I lost Pocket Peace.  I have been pretty diligent about keeping Pocket Peace with me and I know I had it yesterday morning when I went to therapy.  I have looked in all the places in the house where I might have put it.  I looked in the car in case it fell out of my pocket when I was driving. (I will give a second look in the car today if my back will tolerate it…I’ve been meaning to clean out the car for a while, this will be my impetus to get it done!)  If Pocket Peace is truly gone, I will find find something else to put in my pocket instead.

Speaking of mindfulness, there is a two day mindfulness training this month in the City that I have been waffling about taking.  It would count for CEUs for my licensing and certification, it is info I can use at work and I would surely benefit from it on a personal level.  The problem is that it is expensive.  I think I have decided not to go….but I still have the flier stuck to the fridge…so must be I am still contemplating it.

Okay..how was that for a bunch of random thoughts?

Oh…and one last thing, I was enjoying the weather yesterday and spent time in the yard looking at all my flowers.  I used to keep a nature journal….I was kind of feeling the itch to dig it out and draw some of the flowers.  Even though I didn’t draw them yesterday, I did take some pictures.

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I kind of like the intense close-ups.

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