Horrible, horrible dreams last night. I am emotionally spent and I only just got up.
Yesterday was not a good day. I hate those restless edgy days where I can’t settle and I am not satisfied by anything. I tried to settle into some different activities…but just didn’t have the focus or patience.
I wasn’t grumpy all day though…So, I guess that is good.
I spent a lot of time thinking about therapy and what we have been working on lately…and that didn’t help my mood at all. I don’t want to talk about the child-me all the time. And it seems like no matter what we talk about…it circles back around to the child-me. And it is wearing me down and I don’t like it.
My AT homework from Thursday was to make a coloring book. And I dutifully started it…and after I drew three pages, I realized that coloring books are really for children and this assignment is just another child-me trap. And I’m not going to keep working on it. I just want to tear it up and throw it away.
I did sit down and do two paintings yesterday. The first one I did is me melting and the second is the feeling trapped.
I don’t know…I just feel unraveled and confused and raw.