Too Much

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Too Much

Horrible, horrible dreams last night.  I am emotionally spent and I only just got up.

Yesterday was not a good day.  I hate those restless edgy days where I can’t settle and I am not satisfied by anything.  I tried to settle into some different activities…but just didn’t have the focus or patience.

I wasn’t grumpy all day though…So, I guess that is good.

I spent a lot of time thinking about therapy and what we have been working on lately…and that didn’t help my mood at all.  I don’t want to talk about the child-me all the time.  And it seems like no matter what we talk about…it circles back around to the child-me.  And it is wearing me down and I don’t like it.

My AT homework from Thursday was to make a coloring book.  And I dutifully started it…and after I drew three pages, I realized that coloring books are really for children and this assignment is just another child-me trap.  And I’m not going to keep working on it.  I just want to tear it up and throw it away.

I did sit down and do two paintings yesterday.  The first one I did is me melting and the second is the feeling trapped.

Melting.

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Trapped.

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I don’t know…I just feel unraveled and confused and raw.

2 thoughts on “Too Much

  1. I subscribe to daily thought from the Enneagram which I receive every day by email. I would like to share the one I received yesterday with you. It made me think.
    “we can observe the following about Inner Work: “We must be willing to be uncomfortable for a while if we wish to be released from whatever has bound us.” (Understanding the Enneagram, 361)

  2. In your “Trapped” picture, I see boxes within boxes. But I also see that each box has an exit. Maybe you’re not as trapped as you think? I can see that some of the colour seeping out towards the edges, it’s not allowing itself to stay contained or trapped, it’s finding it’s own path outwards.
    – P.S colouring in is not just for children, try telling that to the multi-million pound “Adult Colouring Book” industry that is booming right now! 😉

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