Yesterday was one of those rollercoaster mood days. I was beside myself with anxiety in the morning…Dh wanted me to go to the UU service with him and I couldn’t bear the idea of going to the City and being at the service and seeing the people. Plus, we didn’t make it to the grocery store on Saturday, so we desperately needed to go yesterday. But going to the grocery store after UU meant that it would be super crowded and busy. Add to that the fact that I didn’t want to disappoint dh by skipping the UU service… I was so distraught and anxious that my heart was pounding and my hands were shaking and I was pretty much ready to collapse in tears.
It was an ugly, ugly start to the day.
So, I cheated and popped a lorazepam. And by the time we got to the UU, my nerves had settled. We got there early and dh showed me the labyrinth on the side lawn and dh and I walked the labyrinth. I was still a bit nervous, and felt kind of exposed out there…there were a lot of people around. But it was somewhat soothing to walk the labyrinth.
The UU service turned out to be very uplifting for me. I enjoyed the music, the sermon, the familiarity of the congregation (we have attended the UU before, just not in several years.) Add to that the mellowing from the lorazepam and I was able to survive our trip to the grocery store without any real anxiety…although I was a bit overstimulated from the sheer number of people in the store!
All in all…the day was not too bad.
Today is therapy Monday. I am ambivalent about going…I don’t like that therapy is so hard!!! But I seem to be handling the challenge pretty well these days, so I can take what he throws at me.
Usually, I work on Mondays too…but they hired a traveler temp and it looks like I have lost my Monday per diem hours.