Taking a Deep Breath and Exhaling
A few folks talked my down from my anxiety yesterday, which was very helpful. I am so used to being disappointed by people…it is easy for me to assume the Art Therapist will disappoint me too.
I actually respect the AT very much and I realize that if he was feeling ambivalent about working with me…that he has the integrity to actually talk to me about it, and I don’t mean as he is escorting me out the door.
I think my best friend pointed out my paranoia most clearly to me, we were IMing and she asked me if she was sharing the same kinds of concerns about her therapist, what would I say to her? And I said, “I would tell you that your insecurities are getting the best of you and that of course she would stick with you.” Uh-huh…see I do know better when it applies to someone else. <eye roll> I ought to cut myself a bit of slack.
Here’s what I do know about my therapist.
- He is more than qualified by education and experience to help me
- His style is a good match for me
- He is honest and has integrity
- He demonstrates actual concern and empathy towards me
- He smiles a lot
- He has managed to earn my trust (maybe that one should have topped my list!)
Here’s what I know about me.
- I have a really hard time trusting
- I expect to be disappointed/let down/abandoned by people I trust
- I am scared a lot of the time
- I want to work with the AT, but sometimes I just don’t know how
- I feel safe at the AT’s office and with the AT
- I need to back off on my child-me ban
- I need to take better care of myself
It seems like the things I know about each of us mesh well together and if I can remember to step back and breathe once in a while, I shouldn’t need to worry so much.
Yoga & Yoga
Hey…today is a yoga day! Thank goodness for that! Yoga helps calm my brain….That means that tomorrow I will likely be grounded for therapy and won’t have my anxiety telling me lies about the AT.
And speaking of yoga…I think I am going to pass on that trauma yoga class. With the uncertainty about my work schedule and thus pay…I think there are some other ways we need to use that money right now. And I don’t want to give up my regular yoga…So, I will continue with that and wait until I feel more financially secure before I sign up for the other class.