The Art Therapist observed that since lifting my child-me ban, my art has changed. I had noticed that when I draw myself, I am not feeling that black rage and wanting to cross out the me that I drew. Probably, this is all progress!
Today’s mandala is Gentle Kindness. I just want to scoop up that sad girl and hug her.
She scares me a bit though…she has so much feeling in her…she is kind of like a grenade…and when her pin gets pulled, she’s gonna let all those feelings blow. I don’t think I am ready for that yet.
Speaking of feelings, the AT asked me yesterday, in the midst of other conversation, if I really wanted a crash course on feelings. I don’t think I really answered him…but I think it would be an interesting thing to try. Sirena made a good point yesterday in my comments, “I think therapist’s sometimes miss a stage with some clients and assume they know how to name how they’re feeling and where in their body they are feeling it.”
In the beginning of therapy, the AT kept trying to have me draw feelings. He would give me a piece of paper and tell me to draw a feeling…but it was hard to do…Sometimes, I don’t even know how feelings really feel. How can I draw that? Every time he brought up the feelings cards activity, I really balked and I think he eventually gave up on it. I know I had given up on it as being a productive activity!
The Insurance Triage Nurse
I got an interesting phone call yesterday. It was from a triage nurse from our health insurance company. She said my name had been flagged in their system of people who need prior approval and she wanted to check in with me to make sure I was getting the services I needed. I was a bit puzzled….the only prior approval I have had this year was for the extra sessions with the nutritionist. But the nurse was talking about my mental health stuff…Am I seeing a psychotherapist? Did I find one I like? In network/out of network? Am I having difficulty getting to my appointments? (I asked for clarification on that one and she said juggling work and appointments.) I told her that I am in therapy that I am not working because of my depression and so I don’t have difficulty making it to my appointments. I also told her I see the therapist and my psychiatric nurse practitioner and that I am satisfied with the services provided by both.
She caught the “am not working” part and asked if I was having financial difficulties and do I know what resources are available to me in that respect? I told her that between my per diem hours and dh’s salary, we are getting by and that I don’t actually know what resources are available if I were to need them. She said that I have a case manager social worker available for me and that maybe it would benefit me to talk with her. I said sure….cuz more info can’t hurt, right? So, at some point this week the social worker is going to call me.
And before I let her off the phone, I asked her to clarify how I got on her list…And she explained that they call people who have had inpatient treatment, prior approval or chronic conditions and when she was reviewing her lists of people, my name came up. I asked her if she would be calling me again and she said no…that she would refer me to the case manager who would take it from there.
So…..My response to all of this is…hmmmm…What the heck was that about? And what flagged me into her system? The nutritionist and the “eating disorder” diagnoses? The two times/week frequency with the AT? Something from my Primary Physician’s billing? And I am curious as to if the insurance company called the AT…They used to do that once in a while…but I don’t know if it is still standard practice. Maybe I can get more info out of the social worker when she calls.
And lastly…there was another phenomenal sunset last night…just breathtaking!!