I am terrified to sleep.  And I am exhausted from not sleeping well.  Last night, once I fell asleep, I did sleep deeply and though I know I dreamed, I can’t really recall what about….so that is a relief.  But I woke up at 3 and could not fall back asleep.  Partly this is because my worst dreams tend to be the ones closest to when I wake up, so I didn’t want to fall back asleep.  And partly because that is the pattern of my insomnia when I have it….I usually don’t lay awake for a long time in the evening…but the mornings are a different story.

The worst thing for my mood plunge is lack of sleep…I don’t think well or reasonably on little sleep.  I need to be very, very careful to not let my thoughts take me to scary places.  Of course, this mood plunge has already taken my thoughts to pretty dark places….And I also feel like I can barely function. And like I just want to sob all the time.

I am totally broken right now.  It doesn’t seem fair…I was doing really well…and then CRASH.  I don’t know what I ever did to deserve this punishment.  I hate being alive.

5 thoughts on “Sleep

    • I wish! But I am scheduled for a full day at work….which I am dreading. Work will either be a helpful distraction or it will be overwhelming and super stressful. I won’t know ’til I get there and get going.

  1. Huuuuugggggggsssssss ……
    I remember when I was “down” I used to have horrible nightmares. Mine were that I was in a concentration camp. background: my great-aunt was in one (and survived) and my mother’s mother was killed under the Euthanization program which we just got proof of a couple of years ago.
    Weird since we ourselves create our dreams, how our nightmares can be so frightening.

    • Thanks. And yes…part of what is weird and sometimes very disturbing is that my brain…Me!…is manufacturing the ugly images in my nightmares. Sometimes, I find that almost more upsetting than the dream itself!

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