Forecast Is For A Good Weekend
I am thinking that today will be the antithesis of last Saturday…which is good, I think it is about time that I feel like I am going to enjoy a day. As a matter-of-fact, I think I have myself lined up for good weekend. Keep your fingers crossed that it actually is a good weekend for me!
Why am I thinking it will be good? Well….I have plans with a couple of friends that I am looking forward to and will enjoy. First off, this afternoon I am going over to Social Strawberries’ house for a little while. I am taking her one of my rhubarb plants as she was wanting one and mine have gotten huge and I need to thin them. I will hang out with her for a little while and get a chance to see Pixie too.
From her house, I am driving down to another friend’s house and I will hang out with her a while, then go trick-or-treating with her and her daughter and then I am spending the night. I haven’t seen this friend in a while…And I needed to go see her…It is past time that we got together.
So, between visiting with these two friends, I will be pumped full of “feel good” energy. 🙂
“Coming Out” as Depressed
So…I don’t know who you share your depression with…but I pretty much don’t talk about it to anyone. I am sooo afraid of being judged and sooo afraid of the stigma associated with depression that I figure it will be easier to only let them know the “functional me” and skip all that messy stuff about the rest of me. So…other than my health providers, and dh, only two of my closest friends know. Until last night anyway.
Last night I was Facebook IMing Social Strawberries about said rhubarb visit and work. Now…SS is no slouch (one of the things that I like about her!). A few weeks ago, I posted that picture of Pixie on my blog. Well, before I did so, I asked SS if I could post it. She said yes and then asked what I blogged about. And….I panicked. And dealt with it in a very mature way…I pretended she hadn’t asked. But last night as we were IMing, she asked again. (I kinda knew she wouldn’t forget…thus the “no slouch”-nes)
And I took a huge risk. I was very worried because I actually like SS and I didn’t want to do anything to mess up this friendship. But…I told her. I told her my blog is about having severe depression, PTSD and social anxiety. Since she didn’t immediately shut down our chat and then unfriend me…I guess that my revelation wasn’t too awful for her. I am still a bit nervous about it though as I am not good at being brave.
Oh…and to top it off, I gave her a link to my blog. In for a penny, in for a pound, right?
Today’s mandala reminds me of the original Pocket Peace. I still miss that one. I never, ever carried Pocket Peace #2. I think I still have it shoved aside on my art desk, but I just never liked and don’t find it peaceful…It touches something too sensitive in me and makes me feel vulnerable rather than peaceful.
However, I have not been PP-less. Several weeks ago, the AT gave me PP #3, which I have been carrying pretty diligently (except for the week of the Forgetting Incident) since I got it.
As you can see, it is pretty rumpled and creased at this point.
When the AT cut out the paper for me to do PP #2, he accidentally cut two pieces of paper, so there were two squares. I took mine and then I slid the other one across the table to him and told him that he had to make a PP too. And to my surprise, he did!
Anyway, a few weeks after that, he asked me if I was carrying PP #2 and I told him I wasn’t because I don’t like it. He offered me his PP (which was taped above his desk.) It took me a minute to accept his offer, but I did. (I never know what to do when people do things that are “nice”…it makes me feel so awkward…Probably a topic for another blog post). So…now I have PP #3.
And yes, the whole Pocket Peace thing does work really well for me. It is all about mindfulness and carrying my PP gives me comfort. When I am feeling stressed, I find my hand in my pocket. Just making a physical connection with PP which is soothing to me. So, it works! It appears that the AT does actually know what he is doing! 😉