No More Trusting

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No More Trusting

I am done.  I am done putting myself out there and trying to trust people and building relationships.  I am done trying to believe that I am worth anything and that I matter…because when it comes down to brass tacks…It’s all bullshit.

You would think that I would have figured it out by now. DO NOT TRUST PEOPLE.  But I am clearly a slow learner on this.  And so, I have to learn the same lesson over and over and over again and get hurt in the process over and over and over again.

This time…maybe I will get it.  Maybe now I will remember to stay inside my shell and to keep people away…no matter how appealing they may be.  Because it is all lies and deceit and I am the one who is going to get screwed and be left having to pick up the pieces.

I am so disgusted with myself right now…at my own stupidity and thinking that I could change…but I get what I deserve, which is to be ignored and forgotten because I am not important and I shouldn’t even exist.

5 thoughts on “No More Trusting

  1. Heidi I am so sorry. You DO deserve to exist and to be happy. You deserve to be loved and cared about. You deserve everything good in this world. Please don’t give up. You are so, so, so incredibly special. I am so sorry that someone violated your trust. It is a representation of who that person is, not of you or what you deserve. Keep fighting. I’m here. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. Sending you tons of hugs. xxxxx

    • Thanks…I am just having a rough couple of weeks…I just can’t seem to catch a break. I’m trying to keep up the fight…It just gets so hard though sometimes.
      Is tomorrow your G day? How are you doing with the long stretch?

      • It sounds like it’s been really rough. It’s so hard to get back up once you’ve been knocked down. Just seems like things keep kicking you while you’re down. It’ll get easier, though. Every storm has to break at some point and you’ll get the chance to breathe and recuperate when it does. Just hang in there for it and keep writing here. I truly am sorry for whoever betrayed your trust and made you feel like you don’t deserve to be open and honest. They suck. 😦

        Tomorrow is the day. I’m drained, but alive, so I’m fairing well I suppose. Thank you for asking.

        Sending an infinite amount of hugs and positive thoughts your way. xxxxxxxx

  2. ? What happened?
    I get hurt over and over again too because I struggle with some of the same challenges and probably always will. The trust I need most is within. That I can trust myself to stick by me no matter how others act. To count on me. I have to work on this every day.
    Because others will fail me. Count on that.
    No matter how hard I try to make my husband or others understand the ramifications and difficulties of living with the life long effects of trauma, and no matter how thoroughly he says he understands, he doesn’t. Others don’t either, not at all. (except the women here)

    • I am not quite at a point where share on my blog about the trust breach. I hope you understand.
      I agree…that people don’t necessarily get it…how trauma changes you and changes the lens through which you view the world. I honestly didn’t realize how much support I would get from people who do understand when I started my blog. I appreciate your caring and support. 🙂

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