Because the Art Therapist is himself
Yesterday was my second scheduled call from the AT. I was so worried he was going to forget again that I was just shy of having an anxiety attack before the scheduled time. But…he did call.
And he apologized again about Monday. And then he did something remarkable….He owned up to his mistake. Now…he may have done this Monday, but I was not in a place to hear it. But yesterday he said, “I fucked up.” And I realized later that he changed everything by saying that.
Because, I have never, ever had anyone who violated my trust before actually own up to it and say, “I fucked up.” And you know why he said it? Because he is not everyone else, he is not all the people from my past that hurt me and then pretended nothing happened…or were too ignorant or too self-absorbed to see the damage done to me. He is himself…and aware enough to own his mistake and how it impacted me. This is sooo different an experience for me. And it makes me think that this all is going to be okay.
Am I still hurt and mad and disappointed? You bet. Do I know that a lot of that pain is not about the AT, but the baggage I carry? Yup, I do. Does that make it any easier? Nope…it just makes it all confusing! But if I can tease my disappointment in the AT away from my past disappointments, I will be making some good progress.
This has been one looong week. And honestly, it pushed my current coping skills to the point to where they weren’t enough…But despite it all, I made it through. I may be a little bit worse for wear….but I am still going. And that’s what matters.