Epiphany and Resulting Questions
No…no mandala today…Was just running behind this morning and didn’t have the time to invest in the mandala.
And…I didn’t have time to write my blog either, so here’s a rare just-after-therapy blog rather than a whole day later when I have had lots of time to chew on therapy.
So…Therapy. I might have realized something today. I am still working on it a bit in my head because it has pretty significant ramifications, but my epiphany is this: In order to progress and grow and be the person I want to be, I have to give up the person I used to be.
Yup. That’s it.
I need to move past my old patterns of behavior and old thought-reels and old survival/safety mechanisms because all they do is keep me in the past where I used to be and where I am trying so hard to climb out of.
Simple, almost obvious and yet, earth shattering.
Oh yes…and totally terrifying.
Now the question is, how do I do all that and still feel in control and safe? And more fundamentally, how the hell do I even start? Maybe…just maybe I have started in therapy. So, then the question becomes: What do I need in therapy to make it easier for me to let go of the old and allow space for the new? Why don’t I let myself do that? What am I afraid will happen? Am I just not quite there yet in terms of trust with the AT? Or am I not able to trust myself, that I can actually do it and I will survive the process?
I guess I have more questions than answers…But that is okay. Maybe what I will do is pull the questions from this blog, put them in an order that makes sense and then take them with me on Thursday so I can work on them with the AT.
Oh yes….and totally off topic. It really snowed yesterday! Yikes! Time to really get ready for winter!