The one thing about the gel pens on black…The flash picks up the metallics and washes out the colors. Other than that…I love gel pens on black!
Trusting the Art Therapist Again
Therapy yesterday was good. I realized that I am pretty much back to my trust baseline with the AT after the Forgetting Incident. His forgetting was about him, not me. It was not a value judgment about me. It was not intended to hurt me. He simply had a memory lapse. Should he have? Nope. But it happened. I survived. I told him (eventually) how it made me feel. I worked through my anger and disappointment and hurt. And now…it just falls under the “bump in road” category. I like him. I trust him. I’m keeping him.
So…I wrote a letter to my doctor about my appointment on Tuesday. Since I was at her office yesterday for my Nutritionist appointment, I dropped it off. This was late in the day, so I don’t know if she got to read it yesterday or not.
Here’s my letter.
I was thinking about our meeting on Tuesday and I wanted to follow-up on something. I felt as though you were making the conclusion that I am making a minimal effort towards recovering from my depression. Unfortunately, I didn’t express to you the things that I have been doing in terms of making progress with my mood and I would like the opportunity to do so.
I write a blog in which I chronicle my struggles with my depression/PTSD/social anxiety. After our appointment, I listed on my blog all the things I am currently doing to improve my mood and general mental health. The following is a copy of that list:
[So, I cut and pasted that long bulleted list from the Dear Doctor, Don’t Judge Me post and inserted it here. I edited it slightly for context]
[Doctor], I would like you to know that I am not complacent with my depression. I hate being depressed. I hate feeling bad all the time. I miss my “before” life. This not how I want to live the rest of my life.
After my appointment Tuesday, I drove home pretty much in tears because I felt like you were making the judgment that I am not trying hard enough to get better. All I can say is that I am trying and I am making progress.
I would like to encourage you to contact my therapist if you would like to talk about my progress and/or any concerns you might have about my progress. Of course, you are welcome to talk to me about it too! I am certainly willing to come back and talk to you more, just let me know if you think that would be helpful.
Soooo….you can see I had my big-girl pants on. 🙂 The only thing I realized after I dropped off the letter was that I never said how I felt after the appoint, that I was angry and hurt. But honestly, it would have been really, really hard to admit feelings like that. I am okay with the letter as is.
And I did send the AT a quick email to let him know that she might call. I don’t know how she’ll react or if she will reach out to him or me…But time will tell.