Yesterday, I was telling the AT about my sleep disturbances, I haven’t slept well in about a week. He asked me, “Are you having nightmares?” And I said, “Not any that I can remember, but I am really not sleeping well.” I had wondered if maybe I was having nightmares and not remembering them.
Last night, I had a nightmare and I remember it. <sigh> It was long and convoluted, but it involved dead people, bad men with guns and nefarious plans, and me trying to rescue my friend’s siblings (when they were children) by rushing them into a “safe room” in their house….Only, they wouldn’t listen to me…..It was stressful and anxious and I knew we were all going to be killed. There was also a sexual predator aspect to the men with the guns and that compounded my anxiety of needing to collect the kids and getting them to safety.
So, I am exhausted this morning and already a bit hyped up.
But…..That’s okay…because today is going to be a good day! They didn’t need me at work today. Dh is playing hooky and we are going out to breakfast and then just doing whatever makes us happy. And..I am going to enjoy the time with dh!
Off My Game
I am really, really struggling in therapy right now. I kind of feel paralyzed by my fear and anxiety about forging into unknowns. And I am frustrated and disappointed in myself for not trying harder.
The AT is kind and patient and has made it clear that he is going to walk with me on this path and that I will make it. And I hear him….but I can’t make myself believe him…That is to say, I really wonder sometimes, will I actually make it?
He quoted the following meme, I kind of dismissed it when he said it…but since then, I have been thinking about it….Actually, yesterday gave me lots to think about.