Here I am…Thanksgiving morning, and I am doing okay. I actually feel pretty good and have minimal anxiety. I think I will survive this holiday! (And maybe even without lorazepam!)
I have been thinking this past week about what I am thankful for. I think what I am most thankful for is the people in my life. And I appreciate them and am thankful for them every day, not just on Thanksgiving. But…today, I am going to stop for a moment and recognize them and why I am thankful for them.
- Dh, my partner and best friend, who stands by me through it all and has never wavered in his love for me, his commitment to me, his support of me. This man has seen it all and still pulls me into his arms and hugs me and tells me, “I love you.”
- Ds, who is an amazing person. Bright, funny, thoughtful, caring, resilient, independent and committed to what he believes in. I truly enjoy the person he has grown to be. ❤
- A, who has known me forever (since I was 15) and has seen me through so much and who has been a wonderful, grounding force in my life. Plus, she has taught me, through example, more about being a mother than she probably realizes. She is one of those friends who has helped me grow to be a better person.
- L, who I have known for almost 20 years. Our relationship has waxed and waned, but is still there. She is a voice of reason and never afraid to share her opinion. She is kind-hearted and generous and will always be there if I need her. She also is a grounding force who can reel me in from my craziness.
- SS, who likes me even though I am depressed. She is the first “new” person in my life with whom I don’t have to hide who I am. I am so thankful that she is willing to accept me as-is. She is teaching me that it is okay to be open and real…And that we all have inner strength to get us through hard things.
- My blog friends: I had no idea when I started Rusty Pluck that I would end up with so much support and understanding from my blog. My blog friends have helped me realize that I am not crazy. Sure, I have mental illness, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that there is something wrong with me. And they pop up with support in ways I didn’t expect…but that has been very meaningful to me.
- The AT. I’m not sure how to quantify all that I am thankful for about the AT…I think that I am most thankful that he is not going to give up on me, no matter what. And that he smiles every time he sees me. And that he sees something good in me and is not going to rest until I can see it too. And that he is open and honest and thoughtful and imperfect….I appreciate his realness. And I am exceptionally thankful that he took me on as a client, because I think he is the right therapist for me.
- My PNP, who has been in my life for 5+ years now and has seen me through some very hard times. Her support has been unwavering. Her gentle manner and thoughtful insights have made a huge difference in my anxious world. Plus, she understands me and she sees me a person first, not just a patient to be “managed.” And I think what I am most thankful for is that she listens to me. She doesn’t try to “fix” me with meds …She hears what I need and want and she tries to find pharmaceuticals to help me get there.
- My Yoga Instructor. Honestly, this relationship has really surprised me. I am getting so much more out of yoga than I ever expected! And my instructor is an incredible person…she really is just amazing. She is not only teaching me yoga, but she is teaching me how to be a part of my body, which is kind of a new concept to me. She also is teaching me to like myself, and to appreciate my own exquisiteness…A slow process indeed, but after 6 or 7 months of it, I am starting to hear what she is saying without internally scoffing at the idea. And I appreciate her willingness to take the time to connect with me and to take me as I am depending on the day and my mood.
Yup. I have quite the crew of amazing people in my life for whom I am just exceptionally appreciative.
Now…on to the brass tacks of making it through today….Here’s how I see it: I can lorazepam my way through the day or….not. I have a secret weapon though. I am going to try to use humor to get me through the day. Humor and candy cane Tic Tacs…which I cannot think about without giggling. I will explain more on that tomorrow as I have run out of blogging time for today.