Hyper-focusing Again (Still?)
So…this is not being a good week at all for my Nutritionist goals. My therapy-induced upheaval has just super charged my eating hyper-focus and I am unable to snap out of it and I have been unable to diversify what I eat or increase the quantity…If anything, I am eating less. And I have lost more weight than I am supposed to (again). I am supposed to be losing about a pound a week and anything in the 1-2 pound range is acceptable. This week, I have lost 5.4lbs.
But hyper-focusing is the only way I have any control in my life right now…So, I continue to hyper-focus. And if I am being totally honest…I think I am getting worse. Now, when I sit down to eat, I feel sick. Like the idea of eating makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t know if this is just extreme general stress (I do have other stressors right now besides the therapy upheaval) or if it is food stress. But it worries me.
Oh well…I suppose it doesn’t really matter anyway. Like I have said before, I am nowhere near starving to death, so it’s not like I am hurting myself.
I did go through my closet again the other day. I was kind of surprised at what no longer fits (too big) and what I can fit into again that used to be too small. I guess my body shape has changed a lot…Which actually dh has remarked on a couple of times. I can’t really see it on myself and I never look in mirrors but the clothes are telling me. Anyway, I hung up all the clothes and divided them into sections, things that are too big (cuz I will still wear the too big stuff for a while longer, it does camouflage my body), things that fit right now and then the things that I am on the cusp of fitting. I also have a stack of stuff that will fit eventually, but is still too small. For the most part, I think I won’t have to buy anything for a while, with the exception of yoga pants. Some of the ones I have now are getting pretty loose, but luckily have a drawstring waist…I will see how long I can bleed them along, but will likely have to get some new ones in January.
Okay…enough of that stuff.
Speaking of Yoga….
Yesterday was a yoga day. Somehow, yoga helps pull the floating fragments of me into one place and the pieces feel like they start to come together. And I like that, especially when I am having a hard week and feel disconnected and disjointed.