Cutting Myself Some Slack
There is so much that happened yesterday…I am not sure where to start.
Something happened in Art Therapy yesterday…For some reason it was a difficult session for me. Not in the usual way though…I can’t quite pinpoint it. I felt…ugh…It’s still so hard for me to understand and label my emotions. I couldn’t get my mind to settle, I felt like I was skipping from topic to topic…I don’t know if I was trying to dodge topics or was just scrambled…
And as I was struggling…The AT was very kind and reassuring and aware. I couldn’t even tell you exactly what he said. But I heard his tone, gentle and compassionate, and I kind of softened a little bit inside. And I didn’t expect that. And I was able to leave the appointment feeling calm. Calm! No feeling like I needed to flee to my car and then have a mini-anxiety attack. I just felt…<gasp> I know what it was! I felt present. I trusted the AT enough to actually let him pull me into the present with him and then I still felt present after I left my appointment. Wow. Maybe there is hope!
In the afternoon, I had my Nutritionist Appointment. The AT encouraged me to share yesterday’s blog post with her…And so I printed it and took it and she read it. And she understood what I was saying….To which I heaved a huge (internal) sigh of relief. And then she said the most amazing thing. She said, “Let’s not make goals this week.” I felt like a ton of bricks had been taken off my back. No goals? No goals=No failing. No failing=No shame. That means I can walk in her office next week with my conscious clear and my head held high. That will be a first. I walked out of that appointment feeling freed. And sooo relieved.
Then I decided something. The AT is taking the Monday holiday off…So I have a week between appointments. And you know what? I am taking the week off. I am going to knit and sew and get together with friends and read and do anything I want. But I am not going to obsess about nutrition goals and I am not going to agonize about my depression/PTSD/eating disorder. I suppose, those things might need attention at some point over the next week…But I am not going to let them consume me. And next Thursday, when I see the AT and Nutritionist again…I will be ready for more work.
Knitting and Stuff
When I dropped off the soakers at SS’s yesterday, I picked up a pair of Pixie’s training pants. SS would like a cover for the training pants (Pixie wears them at night). She was using plastic pants, but Pixie rebelled saying the plastic pants are “for babies” and she refuses to wear them. So, I am using the training pants for sizing and drawing out a pattern to make a fleece cover. I can’t use the soaker pattern exactly (the fit wouldn’t be quite right) but I think it will be good with some modifications. There needs to be more length between the waist and leg openings on the training pants cover versus the soakers. It should be pretty easy to do.
I started the knit-along blanket. I am loving the heather grey and blue combo.