The Invalidation Of Heidi
There is definitely a theme in all the history posts. Basically, my childhood was about being invalidated. The messages I heard were
- You are not pretty enough
- You are not good enough
- Your feelings don’t matter
- Your behavior is not appropriate for a girl
- You have to endure bullying and teasing (I got the classic and ineffectual parental advice of “just ignore it”)
- Television is more important than you (I haven’t blogged about this one yet.)
- Love is conditional
- You are an inconvenience
- Your needs are not important
- Your behavior is (i.e. you are) so bad that that we (my parents) can’t have friends (another yet-to-be post)
- You are shameful
- You are a second-class citizen
- Your sister is the preferred child
- You don’t matter
I have probably missed some…But the last one kind of sums it up. Most of these messages became part of my understanding of my Self. And still strongly influence me. And that last one is the one the AT is trying his absolute hardest to change my belief on.
What Is Abuse?
I was IMing with my friend L last night…She had read yesterday’s blog and made the comment that she was sad because I was raised in “such an abusive household.” That one kind of threw me for a loop. I guess I just never thought of all that stuff as being abuse. It just was what I experienced, what I knew. Maybe it wasn’t great…But was it really abuse? Ummm….I think maybe I am not going to think about this yet. Remember, I am taking the week off? Contemplating what was/wasn’t abuse pushes into some of that touchy territory that I don’t like to think about…Nope..not going there right now.
The Little Heidi Slideshow
I made this slideshow a while ago (in December)…I think it is self-explanatory.