Confused and Ignoring Reality and Knitting

Confused

I am still trying to figure out what is abuse/not abuse.  I have been told unequivocally by the AT and by my friend, L, that what I experienced growing up was abuse.  I just can’t wrap my head around it. The AT says that how my parents treated me was about them and their issues and not about me…Which completely defies the construct that I have in my head and I just don’t know how to reconcile it.  I kind of like the AT’s version…It is a lot nicer than my version (well…sort of anyway).

You know, I am afraid of latching onto the AT’s versions of things because if he is wrong, I will have a pretty hard fall.  But…he is an outside observer, his opinion is unbiased in that respect.  And I trust his experience and ability to see things that I don’t….Ugh. I just don’t know.  Therapy has been very confusing lately.

Ignoring Reality

This is a huge topic shift!

My friend, A, is very near and dear to my heart.  I have known her for 29 years (!) and she is one of those friends who knows everything about me.  And I mean everything.  We text daily and usually for at least an hour.  We get together about once a month…She lives about an hour away and coordinating schedules can be tricky, but we do the best we can.  Her friendship means the world to me and her support through all my mental illness has been strong and steady.

And at the end of July, she is moving away, across the country.  I have known about this since last May.  My first instinct was to withdraw from the relationship to wean myself off and save myself heartache.  Instead, I decided to make the most of it while she is still here.  Honestly, I am kind of devastated that she is moving, so I have been choosing to ignore it.  But as the months fly by, I realize that if I don’t face reality, I will be setting myself up for a huge crash.

Anyway, I just wanted to write this all down as sort of a first step in forcing myself to accept the inevitable.  Honestly, what I will do is ignore the fact that I wrote this out and keep ignoring the fact that she is moving.  It is just easier that way (at the moment). Have I ever mentioned I hate feelings/feeling?  I don’t want to feel the sadness about this.

Knitting

Huge progress on the kimono sweater yesterday.  It is done, seamed, I crocheted contrasting edging all around it…All it needs now is fasteners to close it.  The pattern calls for ties, I am pondering buttons.  Not sure what I will do.

Here’s one I made ages ago…it has ties on the side and inside.  They kind of look sloppy.

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And here’s the green one.  Adding a button to the front would still keep this clean look.  Hmmmm……I am leaning towards buttons, but the knitting is too tight to push a button through and I didn’t allow for button holes when I knit it.  I do have a solution in mind.  I guess I just need to commit, buttons or ties?

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And I will be casting on for a second one of this sweater pretty much immediately.  I like the pattern and I have another baby in mind to knit one for.  (A yet-to-be-born baby!) Although….I am somewhat tempted to start at 5HBS for that baby…So many choices.

5HBS is a 5 Hour Baby Sweater (or in my case, a 10-12 hour baby sweater. LOL)  I have knit zillions, I actually probably have 5 already knit and set aside.  Here’s one I knit ages ago.

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Of course, there is no rule as to how many projects I can have going at one time.  I could cast on for both sweaters! 😉

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