Nightmares and More Loose Ends

Nightmares

I took a nap yesterday morning (I was feeling pretty crummy physically) and had a hum-dinger of a nightmare.  I dreamed that I was walking with some people up a paved street.  It was dark dusk, where you can still sort of see, but not really because it is so dark.  There was also a daycare walking with a group a children.  A group of three-ish young men appeared. They were very shadowy in the light, like I could make out their form, but that was about it.  They snatched one of the kids, maybe a little boy?  Me and some other people ran over to see what we could do to help.  There was a pool of light from a street light on the ground and in the middle of it was the child’s arm, it had been torn of his body.  There was a lot of blood, and a blood trail leading away.  I wanted to find and rescue the child, so I was running after the trail.  So was a man.  I was going carefully to not mess up the blood trail (because it was evidence) but the man was being sloppy and stepping in it.  People (or maybe me?) kept yelling at him to not contaminate the evidence.

The blood trail looped around trees and went through snow and was in the street and lead to an alley.  The alley was narrow and dark and led to some stairs which went up three stories to some dilapidated apartments.  There were look-out guys up there, so I and the man ducked against the front of the building to hide.  We could hear the footsteps of the kidnappers as they made their way up the stairs and through the building.  I peeked around the corner again and there were all these men set up as sentries to guard the apartments.  I was trapped against the building and really scared.  The kidnappers were looking out the windows for us, but couldn’t see us because we were directly under the windows.  And then the dream faded away.

It was not a night terror/PTSD dream, it was a plain old nightmare.  But I haven’t had a dream like that in months.  And I haven’t had any “rescue” themed dreams in…years?  I used to have dreams about children in danger (usually sexual danger) and also dreams that I called “rescue the baby” dreams all the time.  And I haven’t had a kidnapper dream since late summer.  It was so intense!  I am impressed that I am so stirred up that my nightmare hit three of my re-occurring nightmare themes.  It covered children in danger, “rescue the baby” and kidnappers.  My poor sub-conscious.

The dream kind of threw me into an even higher anxiety state.  So, eventually, I emailed the AT for some support.

Then last night…Another nightmare. I will spare you the lengthy description, but the theme of last night’s was that there were these monsters that infecteded people and animals with their parasitic babies.  You couldn’t tell who was infected until they vomited the larvae.  It wasn’t safe to go outside because the monsters might get you.  And it wasn’t safe inside because you didn’t know who was colonized by the parasite. Anyway, I was hiding with a small group of people in a house, but we weren’t safe.  And there was a fire element to the dream and maps and an apparent resolution, that in truth was false (as revealed by the map.)

Not exactly restful.

More Loose Ends

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I don’t know if I have ever mentioned my indoor gardens, Aerogardens.  I take a lot of pride and pleasure in growing them and eating what I have grown.  I had a garden of beet greens and I still have three of salad greens and one growing cherry tomatoes.  I know that the amount of care they will need when I am gone is not going to fit into dh’s schedule, nor do I want to add one more task to his list…So I will be harvesting them (not sure about the tomatoes yet).  Last night, I clear cut the beets greens. L  Next, I will wash and sanitize the garden and put it back on the shelf until I get back.

Today, I will clear cut the two less vigorous salad greens.  It is kind of painful destroying all of my work.  I hate seeing them go.

I also found Blossom’s diaper cover and got that finished. I will have to drop it off at their house sometime during the week.

I am not feeling very patient waiting for something to happen. I just want the insurance stuff to be finished, the facility’s assessment to be finished, the doctor stuff to be finished and an admission date.  I don’t like this in between part at all.  It exacerbates all of my anxiety and is more disrupting than if things were just settled and I had a clear timeline.

One thought on “Nightmares and More Loose Ends

  1. Patience is not my forte’ either. You are doing what you can, holding on. So sorry for such nightmares.
    You do such interesting things. Never heard of a garden like that. Ones grown in water but not air.

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