So…I had this awful thought last night.  I have been fretting and anxious about The Facility and wondering what will happen if they don’t accept me.  Last night, it sort of hit me….What if they DO accept me?!

I don’t know if I am ready for this.

I really, really wish that I had never gotten myself into this mess.  Everyone is so convinced going to The Facility is the right thing.  And that the trauma treatment program at The Facility is the right thing…But what if it doesn’t work? What if the restrictions and confinement of The Facility make me worse?  What if going to The Facility ends up being traumatic?

I held it together pretty well on Tuesday and yesterday, but this morning is my phone “interview” and I am pretty much sick with worry.

4 thoughts on “Panic

  1. It’s understandable that you’re scared of something you haven’t yet experienced. You’ll be alright. They are there to help. You’re not being committed involuntarily, you are paying for this treatment. And I’d dare to guess you have full access to phones during certain times of the day when you can call any of your support people, friends or family. If anyone mistreats you, you are out of there. But that is highly unlikely in what sounds like a very reputable facility.
    Maybe what is scary is the process of adding more food, hence calories, and/or working on the underlying issues driving you to restrict. You will be OK. Sometimes, even in the safety of my own home, I have to tell myself that repeatedly in order to calm whatever flurry is erupting.

  2. Thank you…I swear, from the two comments you just left, I could pretty much feel a hug from you! I appreciate all of your support. You know just how to put things plainly…In a way that bridges right across my anxiety into the rationale part of my brain. Maybe I can lull my anxiety to sleep for a while and let that rationale part have a louder voice…..Even if just for a little while. Because rationally, I know I am making the right step forward. Anxiety-wise, I just want to run and hide.

  3. I hope and pray that the phone interview today goes well, and that just makes you want to take this step forward even more! You are going to be ok! If the facility ends up to be not what you need, you will find another way, and you have a great supportive group of people with you all the way! ❤

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