Some days, I just want to cry from the sheer exhaustion and frustration with my life. It has got to get better than this, right? Like, this can’t be all I will ever have?
The urge to restrict my eating is very strong today. It might be because I am alone all day today and thus I am only accountable to myself. It might be because I have had a grueling week emotionally. It might be just for no reason other than restricting feels familiar and safe.
I have things I need to do today. Like doing online coursework for my license renewal. But I have no motivation, no desire, no nothing. I just want to go back to bed and ignore the world. This is going to be a bad day.
Okay…I need a plan. I joined the online course website this morning and scrolled through and chose the courses I want to take. Maybe that is enough for today…or for the morning anyway. I have laundry going, dishes going, and I have eaten breakfast. I can do the mundane. Maybe, I need to just occupy my mind with mundane for a while and then see where I am at.
Mundane things to do today:
- Clean the downstairs bathroom
- Clean the upstairs bathroom
- Put away all the paperwork and course material/handouts etc from Renfrew
- Mow the dog yard to keep down the ticks
- Put away winter stuff
- Bag up too-big clothes to go to Goodwill
- Finish packing up books to send to Amb
- Wash bathroom linens
That ought to keep me out of trouble. And if for some reason, I get my focus back, I can sit and start the coursework at any time.
Now…I just have to summon the initiative to do all this!