And some shitty days just roll into another shitty day…And here I am on a new day and I just totally feel like FML. I thought I would feel better today. But I do not.
Last night, I woke up on the middle of the night and that intrusive thought was back in my head. I am really feeling stressed about it. Stressed that it was back and stressed because I told the AT the exact details of what the intrusive thought was about. Mind you, it was too awful to say out loud, so I wrote it for him. But I feel pretty much sick about it. Is there such a thing as sharing too much personal stuff with your therapist? I am sure the AT would say no. I just wish I didn’t fee so uncomfortable about it.
And maybe this wasn’t the week to be so brave. I am so, so, so depressed. Like, I just can’t get out of my own way because I am so depressed. I just want to curl up and die.
Nope, today is not going well. I will keep working on my mundane list and then later in the day, I have a friend coming over. That should keep me out of trouble for a while. Maybe by the end of the day, I will have perked up?
K…Let’s look at the list of mundaneness:
- Clean the downstairs bathroom
Clean the upstairs bathroom
- Put away all the paperwork and course material/handouts etc from Renfrew
Mow the dog yard to keep down the ticks
- Put away winter stuff
- Bag up too-big clothes to go to Goodwill
- Finish packing up books to send to Amb
Wash bathroom linens
And what new things can I add?
- clean up front yard
- mow front yard
- Find packing tape to seal up box for Amb (I ran out yesterday, but I am pretty sure we have more somewhere.)
- Find folders for Renfrew paperwork
- Vacuum the stairs
Oh…Right, and a general tidy cuz my friend is coming over. Luckily, she is the kind of friend that I don’t have to spit-polish the house for. Honestly, she wouldn’t care if my house looked like it exploded. Really, I just need to vacuum and clean up the kitchen. Not even too big a deal.