Some Other Days

And some  shitty days just roll into another shitty day…And here I am on a new day and I just totally feel like FML.  I thought I would feel better today.  But I do not.

Last night, I woke up on the middle of the night and that intrusive thought was back in my head.  I am really feeling stressed about it.  Stressed that it was back and stressed because I told the AT the exact details of what the intrusive thought was about.  Mind you, it was too awful to say out loud, so I wrote it for him.  But I feel pretty much sick about it.  Is there such a thing as sharing too much personal stuff with your therapist?  I am sure the AT would say no.  I just wish I didn’t fee so uncomfortable about it.

And maybe this wasn’t the week to be so brave.  I am so, so, so depressed.  Like, I just can’t get out of my own way because I am so depressed.  I just want to curl up and  die.

Nope, today is not going well.  I will keep working on my mundane list and then later in the day, I have a friend coming over.  That should keep me out of trouble for a while.  Maybe by the end of the day, I will have perked up?

K…Let’s look at the list of mundaneness:

  • Clean the downstairs bathroom
  • Clean the upstairs bathroom
  • Put away all the paperwork and course material/handouts etc from Renfrew
  • Mow the dog yard to keep down the ticks
  • Put away winter stuff
  • Bag up too-big clothes to go to Goodwill
  • Finish packing up books to send to Amb
  • Wash bathroom linens

And what new things can I add?

  • clean up front yard
  • mow front yard
  • Find packing tape to seal up box for Amb (I ran out yesterday, but I am pretty sure we have more somewhere.)
  • Find folders for Renfrew paperwork
  • Vacuum the stairs

Oh…Right, and a general tidy cuz my friend is coming over.  Luckily, she is the kind of friend that I don’t have to spit-polish the house for.  Honestly, she wouldn’t care if my house looked like it exploded.  Really, I just need to vacuum and clean up the kitchen.  Not even too big a deal.



1 thought on “Some Other Days

  1. You sound as bad as I was last October when I ended up at the hospital totally maxed out stress wise. That’s when I started writing in my journal all kinds of positive stuff especially first thing in the morning, and last thing before bed. Even when I didn’t feel like writing how the sunshine made me happy, or even just seeing a certain color made me feel better. Sometimes I just had to hold on to the thought of that color all day to help me through. I hope and pray your crappy days lessen soon, and having your friend over helps!

    I’m going to be working on that blanket we started also. Did you get any knitting done while in Renfrew? Sounds like you probably didn’t with all the things you had to do. I’m still only halfway through my second panel.

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