I am sooo stressed about my meal plan right now. Everyone is watching me so closely and I have had some tough days with my plan. I’m not restricting (really, I’m not). If I was I would say so (like about the Gatorade.) But I have had schedule irregularities and restaurant trips and I have missed some of my exchanges. And I will be under the scrutiny of Team Heidi, not to mention the scrutiny of myself. Eating is so, so stressful right now…The pressure, the need to do it perfectly, the consequences if I don’t. I don’t know how much longer I can take it.
I am just so stressed. Oh…I already said that.
And I find a stressful irony in the fact that I am stressed for missing exchanges and I am stressed for eating all my exchanges. Yet again, I can’t find that middle ground. And maybe I have lost some of my perspective. Not that I had much to start with.
I feel like I cannot do this anymore.
Is there a point to therapy? And meds? (I have been trying to decide if there is even a point to taking any of my meds.) And the Nutritionist and everything else?
It’s not that I am whining about this. I really do wonder these things