My mood is already dropping some. I knew it would happen once I started coming down of the restriction “high.” But really, my depression is (hopefully) less of a risk to my health than my eating disorder.
I am re-evaluating all the behaviors that may have fallen under the category of Restriction in an effort to get back on track. That means Gatorade needs to come back into play because the only reason I quit the Gatorade was because of the calories. And I did have that little agreement with the Nutritionist about drinking a Gatorade to make up for unintentionally missed exchanges. (It does happen sometimes!)
I also need to stop focusing on calories, which had also crept back into my world.
That doesn’t mean I will stop worrying about these things and obsessing about my weight and about not gaining weight and other ED issues I have been struggling with. But it does mean that I am going to really focus on sticking with my meal plan. The eating and nutrition is the most important part…The rest I can deal with later.
Of course, as I write this I feel applied to the task…But honestly, I am scared as to whether or not I can really make myself do it. And make my commitment last.
And the idea of “progress not perfection” and “doing the best I can do” do not apply here. The eating needs to be flawless because anything less is just a slippery slope to full-on eating disorder symptoms.