I had a rocky start this morning…Made some poor choices in relation to my ED. How long has it been? 6 weeks since I got home? I thought this would get easier.

I messaged Glitter H today…spoke briefly of my ED issues this morning.  She had some good insight,

They say with recovery it NEVER gets easy, but things get easier

and the hard days get easier and less frequent

I hope you are right, Glitter H, cuz right now, it just feels hard and harder.

Then I kind of mindlessly wandered around the internet and found this:

13 Affirmations to Strengthen Your Recovery.  

1. My happiness does not depend on my weight or size, but on who I am and what I do.

2. Today I will abandon my destructive behaviors and start using behaviors that are good for me.

3. I am a survivor and I am a warrior. I don’t need my eating disorder to be good enough.

4. I am courageous and from today I will stand up for myself.

5. My life is just beginning, not ending.

6. I will not define myself by my past.

7. How I feel about myself has nothing to do with what I eat or don’t eat.

8. The process of recovery may be an epic one, but it’s worth it and I know it.

9. I deserve to be happy and I deserve to fulfill my dreams.

10. I deserve to treat my body with respect.

11. I will love and appreciate myself.

12. I don’t need to do excessive exercising to deserve food.

13. Everyday I become stronger and healthier.

RecoveryWarriors.com  (This a good ED recovery support site. I like it a lot.)

And then I was reminded of this:

I feel sort of jumbled and scrambled and my brain is making connections between the past and the present and I am kind of overwhelmed and unsure.  But this much I know…I am going to heal from the sexual abuse. I am going to heal from my eating disorder.  And I am not going to do it perfectly. As a matter of fact, I am going to move forward and slide back.  I am going to re-write my inner dialogue and then I am going to listen to the old dialogue.  I am going to want to do it all alone and I desperately need help and support. It will be progress and setbacks. And joy and tears.  And I will love it and hate it.

But, I am  fucking warrior.  And today, I am not giving up.