Yesterday was the worst day since I got home from treatment in terms of my eating. I restricted like crazy. And I couldn’t snap out of it. And I was wholly prepared to skip dinner completely, but a friend kind of
nudged shoved me in the right direction and asked me for accountability. I did eat dinner, but not nearly what I was supposed to.
Today is worse. I have no idea how to even start to eat today.
Yesterday was horrible and intense for me emotionally, so I guess it makes sense that restricting would be worse today….I just don’t know how to overcome it. My ED is just screaming at me and it is all I can hear.
And I slept horribly last night. I stayed up late (I think I was procrastinating to avoid more nightmares) and then I slept fitfully all night. I remember dreaming…but not what I dreamed about, which is perhaps good. But when I am super over-tired, I tend to not make the best rationale choices, and that is the last thing I need today.
Today, I need structure and firm support. And I don’t know that I can give it to myself. Nor do I really want it from anyone else. Except that I really need it.
My Team is going to hate me. Heck, I hate me. I’ve got to do recovery better…Because right now, I just am