Mad At My Body and Nutrition Education and Typos

Mad At My Body

I feel like I got some sleep last night.  But I am not sure I am happy about it.  The lack of exhaustion numbness, and likely my work on some of my writing assignments, has left me feeling raw. I could just burst into tears.  I am also feeling edgy and startle-y.  It has the makings of a long day.

I also am pretty mad at my body at the moment.  I am supposed to get my period this week (which is not why I feel tearful, I already had my pre-menstrual irritable and then tearful days) and my body is not doing what it is supposed to do.  I keep sort of starting and stopping with my period.  This is not the way my period usually works and thus not the way it is supposed to work.  I have a predictable period pattern and my body is supposed to follow that pattern.  I can think of reasons that my period is jumbled, stress, new environment, new eating patterns, etc., etc.  But it still makes me mad.  I hate it when my body doesn’t do what it is supposed to do.  Ugh…I wish I could explain it.  I just feel betrayed.  And if I don’t hate my body enough, the betrayal just adds to it.

So, not only am I tearful today, but I feel extra grumbly.  I also feel like I don’t know when (if) my period is going to start being really heavy, so I am worried that I will bleed through my pants.  Yes, I am prepared, but I am in the menstrual tsunami part of life, so it goes kind of from zero to tidal wave in a very short amount of time.  I just don’t need the stress of worrying about it.

Maybe today it will start behaving.

Nutrition Education

One of the groups I had yesterday was co-facilitated by the Nutritionist and my therapist, Meg.  It was about nutrition and how our bodies need carbs, proteins, fat, etc.  And I skeptically listened.  Then the Nutritionist talked about portion sizes and the move towards “intuitive eating” following your body’s hunger and satiation cues to determine how much you eat.

And I just don’t buy it.  Why can’t you meet your nutritional needs but just eat less food while you do it? I mean, you can shave off the energy part of food without compromising the nutritional content of your food, right?  I just don’t think I need the amount of food she is suggesting.

Plus, the only way I can make sure I am eating the right amount of food (to lose weight and not gain it) is to track what I eat.  I don’t think intuitive eating is a good idea at all.  I did try to express my concern and the nutritionist countered with, “Where is that coming from?”  I knew she meant me or the ED, but I chose to ignore that and asked her what she meant.  She did indeed ask if it was my ED talking.  I think I dodged answering.

Don’t I know what is best for my body? And what if it isn’t intuitive eating?

Typos

I have been re-reading some of my recent blog posts (yes, I do read my own blog) and have noticed lots of typos.  I do proofread before I post, but clearly I am not catching them all.  So, please bear with me about the typos.  I am often blogging in the common room and it is loud and full of distractions.  Plus, I am tired most of the time and I think it is just keeping me from clean typing.  It’s not the biggest deal, but it is annoying to me.  I am sure it has nothing to do with my perfectionism.  <cough>

 

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