And Then There’s When I Panic
So, I am kind of feeling panicky. It took me a couple of weeks to decide that I like the dietitian, Mac, but I do. Even so, I can’t approach her the way my peers do, which is frustrating to me, but I just can’t let myself do it. And then after today, I just need to have some space anyway. I saw Mac for my usual appointment in the afternoon as well as this morning when she and I and a couple of peers and the anxiety therapist all went to the grocery store. At some point this evening, I started feeling uncomfortable. I feel like I let her see too much of me today, as in, I somehow let myself feel too vulnerable with her and now I feel all panicky. I hate it when I say too much and reveal too much. I just wish I could remember to stay in my shell. Now, when I see her, I will feel awkward and embarrassed. And though on a typical day, it would be easy to just make myself scarce when she is around it won’t be an option tomorrow. Ugh. This is why I never should say anything to anyone, I hate feeling exposed.
Today was my insurance review day and I got approved for another 15 days of residential treatment. I am so relieved! Now, I don’t have to worry about insurance stuff for another couple of weeks.
And…I will write more tomorrow. I have been hanging out at evening snack the past couple of nights which has kept me up way past my usual bedtime. I am really enjoying the time with my peers…but I am tired! If I try to keep blogging now, tomorrow morning will be really painful!