PTSD and Extreme Anxiety

Not having a good morning so far.  My PTSD is in super-overdrive and I am crawling out of my skin with anxiety.  My hands are fumbly so I am dropping things which then surprises me and I jump.  I took the trash out (my chore this week) and heard a tiny noise and startled so much that I just about burst into tears.  And everything else that is causing me anxiety (like trying to keep gluten cross-contamination from happening when we all are self-portioning at breakfast) has my anxiety at an astronomical high.  This has the makings of a terrible day.

Plus, I ran my experiment again about if I am actually getting checked on at night.  The answer is that I am not.  And I mentioned it to my favorite DC and she said she was going to email the res director about it.  She said she wouldn’t use my name…But I am really afraid.  The particular night person who is not checking on me is kind of nasty (and this is not just me…everyone has had run-ins with her.  And yesterday, she was in rare form and was nasty to pretty much all of us.) I am so afraid the night person will figure out it was me who said something, and the backlash will be awful.  If she is bitchy now, what will she be like if I have pissed her off?  And I don’t have the tolerance to deal with my feelings about this today.  I am fucked.

And I have a shit-load of assignments to work on. And yoga, which I would ordinarily love, but I am having an almost frighteningly heavy period (like, I am used to heavy periods, but this one is scary-heavy) and am afraid I will have an issue while doing yoga poses. But if I skip, I will get a non-compliance.  And I actually want to do yoga because I like it and could really use it today.  <sigh>

So…how do I mange the crawling out of my skin, astronomical high anxiety and bleeding to death?  I guess I can get support from direct care for the first two and just will muddle through with the last.

Or I can just suck it up and ignore it all.  Except that that’s probably not the most therapeutic solution.

Yup. Today is going to suck.