I did survive yesterday, though it was hard. You wanna know what got me through and improved my day? Yoga. I sooo miss my regular yoga. I was actually wondering if I could convince Mac to let me do a little YouTube yoga video I like. I would only do it once or twice a week as sort of a grounding thing. And it is not very long at all…It wouldn’t be like real exercise. I can guess what she will say, but it might be worth asking. But then I was looking at YouTube for the video I wanted to do so I could show Mac but I can’t find it. I suppose it doesn’t really matter, she will say no anyway.
Our newest peer is really struggling with purging. It kind of throws me back to the anxiety of Renfrew where there was way too much “Public Purging” as I used to call it. I know it is pretty much a compulsive behavior, but sitting at my station in the common area and listening to someone purging in the bathroom is beyond disturbing. Plus she talks about purging all.the.time. I find it triggering and I don’t even purge! I also walked into the kitchen dining room and she had clearly just purged (which means likely in the sink, but I don’t even want to contemplate that). I got my laptop and sat down at the table with her because she was alone. I didn’t do anything, didn’t try to caretake or anything, I just sat. She told me she had already purged 4 times. I hate the way eating disorders consume my peers.
I had a backlog of homework to work on yesterday. In the morning, I finished two assignments that I started over a week ago. Then I did two assignments that I had been procrastinating on doing for the anxiety therapist. After that, me and Mel worked on a menu and grocery list for this week’s dinner we are doing (cooking for the group of residents here). I was going to start some of my new homework from Meg after dinner, but honestly, I was just plain tired. That homework can wait until when we have free time today.
I had to supplement last night at dinner. I am not really happy about it. We had tofu (again) for dinner and it was served as a giant flaccid slab. The chef cooks it so the sides are somewhat browned, but most of it is jiggly inside. And when I say slab, I am not kidding. It is a giant chunk of tofu. I cannot eat it when it’s served like that. Actually, Mac and I have discussed it. I can’t stand the texture served like that and it also brings back some really negative memories of how the tofu was served to me at Renfrew….Over and over again Renfrew would serve me lukewarm, unseasoned, soggy tofu. It made is so now I just can’t stomach it. <shudder> Usually, my preference is accommodated and they cut the tofu into slices and then cook it, but it didn’t happen yesterday. So…last night, I tried one bite of it, and just knew I wouldn’t be able to choke it down. And that’s okay, I just opted for the supplement and thus completed my dinner.
I don’t like Monday Mornings
It is Monday again and that means a blood draw. I hate this part of Monday. It means that I have to hustle and make sure I get weights and vitals done right when they start (not that I don’t always get them done first thing) and then drink as much water as I can, so that I am super-hydrated and my veins will be easier to find and skewer. I can’t hydrate more slowly because drinking before being weighed is a no-no. Unfortunately, the rapid consumption of lots of water makes me feel kind of sick, and then by the time breakfast comes, I feel kind of queasy. It’s not really great.
And actually, speaking of breakfast, it is oatmeal day, which I also really dislike. We have a set amount of time in which to eat breakfast and oatmeal day is really stressful because after we sit for breakfast they cook the oatmeal (it is instant oatmeal so they microwave it) which takes a while because they are cooking 10 oatmeals. Then I have to wait for my oatmeal to cool enough to eat it. Plus, my oatmeal tastes like nothing. It is gluten free and has no flavor what-so-ever. And I don’t think it has anything in it for a sweetener. It’s kind of like eating paste. Mac said I can put some spices in it to help with the flavor, but I think it is just going to end up tasting like spiced paste.
I am not looking forward to the next couple of hours.