Just Sad

I woke up this morning just profoundly sad.  I just was kind of wilted in bed and didn’t feel like I could get up and face another Monday in treatment.  And yet, I dragged myself out of bed, showered, dressed and left early for the partial hosp site.  I just didn’t think hanging around “my” house was going to be productive.

Instead, I am sitting on the couch at PHP feeling profoundly sad and homesick and like I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.  This does not have the makings of a good day.  😦

Do you wonder what we do all day?  Here is what the Monday schedule has in store for me:

  1. Weights and vitals
  2. Supervised breakfast
  3. Eating Disorder group
  4. Snack
  5. Core Group
  6. Lunch
  7. Connections Group
  8. Snack and Pre-Contracts (Pre-contracts are summaries of the past week, both the good and bad, as well as our goals for the coming week.  These then get looked over by our treatment team and on Fridays, we get the Contract, which outlines our goals for the coming week)
  9. “Free” time (which might have therapy sheduled or is time for homework)
  10. Yoga (here at PHP)
  11. Dinner

Today, I also have an appointment with my dietitian, a nursing appointment for pillbox filling and general check-in, and an appointment with my therapist.

Tomorrow is very much the same, just with some different groups and no therapy (therapy is 3x week, dietitian is 1x week, psychiatry is 1x a week and anxiety therapy is 1x/week). In the afternoon, I have art therapy group and we have a group during afternoon snack time.  Tuesdays, PM snack  is always a Challenge Snack and then the facilitators introduce a topic and we process something eating disorder and anxiety-ish.

And round and round it goes.

Ugh…but today, I just am not sure I have it in me.  Of course, not having it in me is not a choice, so I will just keep on going and hope that the day gets easier.


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