Level 3

So….Yesterday, I got promoted to Level 3.  This is the highest level at the partial hospitalization program.  I will be responsible for making 7 meals a week and as part of my transition to Level 3, I will be taking off one day a week.  (The day off was a bit of a push from my insurance…but is also good for me to trial a “home” day.) This week I will be taking off Sunday.  I go to UU anyway on Sunday mornings and programming doesn’t start until noon, so it will really only be the afternoon/early evening that will be different.  This seems like a good way to do it on my first day off.

As to the meals…I am very, very nervous about that.  I need to figure out what to have and what I can afford.  I won’t tell you which is more of a priority to me, money or preference.

Having Sunday off will be my first day of no treatment in 104 days.  As of Sunday, I will have been in full day, 7 day-a-week treatment for 104 days.  I think I can use a day off! Actually, I know I can use a day off, I have been ready for one for a while…Just kind of burned out from the whole 12 hours/day 7 days/week thing.

Other than that, it is kind of usual kind of day around here…Someone I like is discharging today.  It is sort of painful, this round after round of people going.  Basically, I am just starting to shut down about it.  I don’t even really cry anymore.  I just have to steel myself to the eventuality that everyone here that I like is going to go.  Or….I am going to go.  Sooner than later, I will be stepping down to IOP (intensive outpatient program).  It could be as soon as next week, but hopefully, it won’t be until a couple of weeks from Monday.  That transition will be hard on multiple counts.  Leaving my friends, leaving my treatment team (I will have a whole new treatment team, with the exception of my anxiety therapist at IOP), leaving Callie, and leaving the familiarity of PHP, where I have been for the past 9 weeks.  But…no need to worry about that now, right?