Not having a good weekend.
Yesterday, I woke up sick….like I am coming down with a cold, runny nose, utter exhaustion, headache, woozy, felt like I’d been hit by a truck…Today, I haven’t gotten out of bed yet to see how I feel but I know it’s not going to be a great day because I slept really poorly last night. My PTSD hyper-vigilance and over-startling were activated and every little noise had me jumping. I couldn’t fall asleep (could be cuz I had a three hour nap in the afternoon) and when I did fall asleep, it wasn’t exactly what I’d call quality sleep. So, this morning, I am still sort of sniffly, I am exhausted beyond measure and I am still snuggled in bed.
I am supposed to go to a book group tonight, but I don’t think I will make it. I am not going to make it to UU this morning either. Evidently, I needed a weekend off, cuz my body is making me take one off even though I had other plans.
About the book group…I signed up for this book group through the UU. It is about a social justice issue and I was really excited about it at first, but I have come to realize that for some reason, I am ultra-sensitive to social injustice issues. Ugh…I don’t know how to explain it. And it’s not just any particular issue, I can’t tolerate the news or crime stories or president-elect issues. These things just hit me in my core and make me feel really depressed. I can’t handle that right now, I just don’t have the ability to shake it off (the depressed feeling). It makes me think that I may have to pass on the book group. I don’t quite know why I am so ultra-sensitive. I am guessing it’s from the work I am doing in treatment, so much of me is so raw already and I am working hard to manage just the treatment work…Rubbing the rawness with social issues is just too much for me right now.
Does any of that make sense? I don’t have good words to explain it.
Back to being sick…Sick=no appetite. I am surely going to get demerits tomorrow as I have not been following my meal plan very well this weekend. And I feel crummy enough that I don’t care. Like right now, I should be wandering upstairs to find breakfast and yet, I am still in bed.
Okay. I will get up. Shower. Eat something for breakfast. If I make it through all that without feeling too exhausted, I will start laundry, if not, I may just take a nap. That’s all my body wants right now. Sleep.