The purpose of this blog is for me to dump stuff out of my brain and work my way through it in hopes that I will become a healthier, stable and happy person. My brain is a whirlwind of trauma, depression, ptsd, anxiety and eating disorder. It is exhausting and frustrating and discouraging to have this constant spiral of mental illness in my head. I am working my damnedest to sort through my trauma and the subsequent confusion and pain caused by my past colliding with my present. And I am looking for the me that I buried years ago to keep her safe and away from further damage.
Yes, I have been talking about my eating disorder a lot lately…because it has become a pressing issue which threatens my mental and physical well-being. And yes, I have been tagging my blog with “eating disorder” and “anorexia nervosa.”
But I want to be clear about two things:
I do not want my eating disorder.
This is not a pro-Ana blog.
There will be no tips, encouragement, tricks to lose weight or methods to deceive medical providers, family and friends on my blog. I may discuss how my eating disorder is managing me, or urges it makes me feel or compulsions I have. I may talk about ways in which my eating disorder is a step ahead of my recovery. I may discuss symptoms I have and symptoms I engage in. But I am not writing any of that to encourage or support the active pursuit of eating disorders or engaging in eating disorder symptoms. If that is what you are looking for, you will need to look elsewhere. And if you are at a point in your eating disorder where you are seeking pro-Ana or pro-Mia information, then I really encourage you to seek help before you damage your body in a way that cannot be repaired.
And in case it wasn’t clear enough the first time: