Putting The Backstories On Hold For A Little Bit
I think I am going to take a day or two off of the backstories. I have lots more stories that want to be told, but I have had my mood dropping all week and I think I just need to pace myself, iykwim. Especially since one of the backstories I want to share is about my family and food. That one will be tricky, I need a day or two to figure out what I am going to say.
My Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner
Yesterday, I saw my PNP. I had a hard time talking with her yesterday as I think I went in to the appointment half dissociated…Not her fault nor me having anxiety about being there, but more a product of my needing to pace myself as I said above. She was able to reel me in though and I even drew for her!
And I cried. This crying thing is becoming a habit! I am going to try to stop judging myself about it, because I am not sure I have any control over it anymore. If it’s going to happen, I guess it is going to happen.
What I didn’t realize (until I cried) is how strongly upsetting my Nutritionist appointments are for me. Because, that’s what made me cry. My PNP asked about how my Nutritionist appointments are going and if they are still hard and my eyes just welled up with tears and I couldn’t even look at my PNP. I am not even sure what is so hard about the Nutritionist that just thinking about it made me cry…But clearly, there is a trigger there.
And of course, I see the Nutritionist today. <sigh>
Back to the drawing…I wish I had taken of picture of it so that I could post it here. She was asking what my eating disorder looked like, and I told her it was black and had long fingers…gripping fingers. She asked a few more questions about how it looked and then handed me a clipboard, paper and a pack of crayons so I could draw it.
When I finished the drawing, she asked if I wanted it or if she could keep it. I told her she could keep it, but that she should probably send a copy to the AT. She said she would fax it to him. It’s funny, it’s not at all the kind of drawing that I would do in Art Therapy…The different settings appear to invoke different responses. I guess that actually makes total sense…I had just never observed it before as my PNP has never given me an opportunity to draw before.
Lastly, I left my PNP appointment with my pocketbook stuffed full of samples of one of my meds. I am truly appreciative that she gave me the boxes of samples because I have been feeling stressed trying to keep our finances afloat right now. And since we have rolled into a new year, I am still meeting my deductible for my prescriptions and at the moment, paying full price for my meds is challenging and kind of painful.
Just a quick note about pottery class…I know my mood is off because I didn’t really feel like going to pottery class…I feel like I just don’t care and am not motivated. However, I did go and finished some glazing and collected my tiles from last week that had been fired. This one came out amazing. I am so pleased with how my glazing worked!
Then I was prepping the lid for the pot (smoothing rough spots) so it and the pot could finally be bisque fired. Only, I pressed too hard and…..
Guess next week I’ll be making lid #3!