I have looked at my list of values again. I have lot of things! I guess when I started yesterday, I was trying to narrow it down some by both combining/sub-categorizing some values and just plain trying to weed through them. I am looking at this list again and feel somewhat overwhelmed. What I’ve got so far for the big categories are:
I think I want to narrow it down….and I just realized that I want to add Spirituality. The process of narrowing down doesn’t work too well if I add more!
- Authenticity –Self-respect, kindness, wisdom, honesty, consistent actions and words, integrity
- Curiosity—learning, knowledge, growth
- Compassion—loyalty, friends, family
- Spirituality – wonder, awareness, one-ness, wholeness
- Creativity—beauty, accepting imperfection, process, creating
- Balance –centeredness, calmness, security, stability
Personal Mission Statement
I will act with integrity from an authentic self, so that I may respectfully, compassionately and justly engage with the people and world around me. I will maintain a curiosity about both mundane and wondrous things, allowing my inquiries to be opportunities for discovery and growth. I will live compassionately and approach family, friends and others with the understanding that none of us are meant to be perfect and that judging others is a reflection of my own self-judgment. I will let my spirit be open to the wonders of the world and have an awareness of the interconnected web of which I am a part. I will honor my creative energies and allow and accept imperfection in my work as my hands represent what dwells in my heart. I will live as an autonomous being, depending but not being dependent on others. I will strive for stability and inner-calm in my life, eliminating the need for extremes, and accepting the gentle place of balance.
Okay…getting closer. This is still in draft form…But I am honing in on it!
Wow! The social saga just continues. The two new admits have been spending most of their time in the living room partly because one is on couch rest. So…Yesterday, the living room was pretty much devoid of other people. The new two are so off-putting that people just plain can’t stand to be in the room with them. Really, it is sad…Sad that the new two are so sick with their EDs that they are colluding and making everyone else uncomfortable. Sad that they will make themselves sicker. Sad that they don’t realize what a negative influence they are being on each other. Just sad. Have I ever mentioned that EDs suck? Yeah…I guess I probably have.
Yesterday, I was busy doing more art. I have had such a fantastic artful weekend. I finished my book project and will share it with my dietician, Mac, tomorrow. I usually see Mac on Mondays, so maybe I can give it to her in the morning so she can have a chance to look at it by the time I see her. I don’t know if it will work or not as she is super busy, but I can at least try.
I had a bunch of finished assignments that I emailed off to Meg. I am never sure what to do with the finished assignments and I also notice they never show up as completed on my weekly contract. I figured maybe she needs to see them? I don’t know. I just want to make sure that insurance sees that I have been doing the work, iykwim.
I also started working on a safe place for my child self. This was a project Meg suggested after talking to the AT. I picked up a small wood box on my Michael’s trip yesterday, so am using that and some scrapbook paper I had brought with me to decorate it. It is only about half done…I mean in terms of decoration. I haven’t done anything yet to represent the child-me. But begun is half done, right?
Here’s the collage I mentioned yesterday. I really like the way it came out. It makes me happy. (And btw, any pictures I post when here may be kind of sketchy in photo quality because between taking pics with my phone and inconsistent availability of good light, I can’t always get good pics.)
Yesterday was one of those rollercoaster mood days. I was beside myself with anxiety in the morning…Dh wanted me to go to the UU service with him and I couldn’t bear the idea of going to the City and being at the service and seeing the people. Plus, we didn’t make it to the grocery store on Saturday, so we desperately needed to go yesterday. But going to the grocery store after UU meant that it would be super crowded and busy. Add to that the fact that I didn’t want to disappoint dh by skipping the UU service… I was so distraught and anxious that my heart was pounding and my hands were shaking and I was pretty much ready to collapse in tears.
It was an ugly, ugly start to the day.
So, I cheated and popped a lorazepam. And by the time we got to the UU, my nerves had settled. We got there early and dh showed me the labyrinth on the side lawn and dh and I walked the labyrinth. I was still a bit nervous, and felt kind of exposed out there…there were a lot of people around. But it was somewhat soothing to walk the labyrinth.
The UU service turned out to be very uplifting for me. I enjoyed the music, the sermon, the familiarity of the congregation (we have attended the UU before, just not in several years.) Add to that the mellowing from the lorazepam and I was able to survive our trip to the grocery store without any real anxiety…although I was a bit overstimulated from the sheer number of people in the store!
All in all…the day was not too bad.
Today is therapy Monday. I am ambivalent about going…I don’t like that therapy is so hard!!! But I seem to be handling the challenge pretty well these days, so I can take what he throws at me.
Usually, I work on Mondays too…but they hired a traveler temp and it looks like I have lost my Monday per diem hours.